Personal Essays

Seeing as a doctor, seeing as a wife

Both good medicine and beauty are in the eye of the beholder.

May 1 •

The Book of Love

Jake died ten weeks ago. Our daughter Athena is due to be born in two days. She became real for Jake before his life ended. How do I make him real for…

Oct 25, 2024 •

How to let go: one life ends while another begins

I'm seven months pregnant with our daughter as Jake's life comes to a close. How do I walk into an uncertain future without him?

Aug 6, 2024 •

Cancer Speaks Its Own Language

How we spend our words is how we spend our life. What happens when you find yourself speaking a language the people you're closest to don't understand…

Feb 13, 2024 •

In defense of boring.

An exciting story.

Feb 5, 2024 •

Seven days of silence: a chatterbox's lament

A vocal cord surgery has forced me to stay quiet for an entire week. How will I sound when I finally open my mouth? More importantly - who will I be?

Jan 25, 2024 •

The calculus of connection and the PEG tube struggle.

Jake's illness brought us emotionally closer, while the tubes and port he needs to stay alive push us physically apart. Can we close that space and…

Jan 15, 2024 •

How the light gets in: a solstice at the border of life and death

The fire in each of us, on the shortest day of the year

Dec 23, 2023 •

Remembering things that haven't happened yet

How will I know what I need to hear in a future I can't anticipate? Who will I be, and what will she want?

Dec 12, 2023 •

I'm homeless if Jake is not my home

If the place I belong is beside a man who's dying, where will I belong after he's gone?

Nov 15, 2023 •

Uncertainty is the state of being alive

We were certain that Jake would be dead within a few months. Then, a clinical trial drug gave us the gift of wondering: what if he lives?

Nov 3, 2023 •

My A+ in mental health: am I doing wellness now?

My chronic panic attacks resolved upon Jake's terminal diagnosis, only to be recently replaced by intense attacks of anticipatory grief. Screaming goats…

Oct 25, 2023 •

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