Jake died ten weeks ago. Our daughter Athena is due to be born in two days. She became real for Jake before his life ended. How do I make him real for Athena as her life begins?
Bess, I experience your writing as a meditation on love. I’m a pmg and came to your work through one of your posts there. Since that time, one of my favorite pastimes is reading your writings and imagining that I could one day experience a love and connection like the one you shared with Jake. I’m so glad you’re sharing this with the world. It’s beautiful. I hope things are going well with Athena.
Good work Doc. If you’re as good with the sick as you are with your audience for words you’ll single-handedly affect the state of medical practice. My dad was an MD and I was a fifth grader when my mom died of cancer over 50 years ago. She took her leave with grace, a fact I am finally able to appreciate. It sounds like your husband did the same. That’s not what we can possibly consider a gift in the moment. But it is. She’s still here, in some measure. And so is he. That’s not going to change. Vaya con dios sister.
just a week or two ago I came here looking for an update from you. there wasn't one yet, but i'd been thinking about you, wondering if baby's here yet, hoping you're both alright. what a gift it is to read this update. I hope you know how much you're cared for, even just by us readers <3
This was beautiful Bess - thank you for sharing so much of yours and Jake’s journey. Athena will I’m sure cherish the books he’s left her - as well as the essays the two of you wrote.
I lost my Mom to pancreatic cancer when I was 19… and everything you’re saying resonates strongly with me. The suddenness of it even though we knew it was coming … the finality of removing her name from important documents and records. All the little reminders that she was no longer with us - as if we could forget.
She also loved books - and inspired me to be a writer. Months after she passed the local library called asking for her - one of the few places I had forgotten to notify of her passing. I remember breaking down in tears as I told the nice woman on the phone to cancel her membership.
Hit the post button by accident - it’s clearly too early in the morning!
I was going to say that my grief caught me by surprise. Not because I didn’t miss her - but that particular moment caused a ground swell of emotion. I think part of it was knowing I would never read with her again, never have her share a book with me.
This is a long winded way of saying I think Athena is very lucky to be able to share in her father’s love of books and writing in the gifts he’s left behind. They’re a unique window into someone’s soul - and I think it’s wonderful you both have them to hold on to.
Thank you for sharing this with us, Bess. I dare not spoil the magic of your words with anything except to offer warm hugs and love to you and Athena. xo
Thank you for your recent post. You have shared with us readers the answer to the question, “How are you holding up?”
My son continues to grieve the loss of his uncle, my brother, 25 years after his death. Last year, I sent him two books, written by Philip Yancey who is a Journalist who writes on the Faith traditions of Jews and Christians.
God has sent a Comforter to everyone who grieves and holds open questions. Like Hagar, the mother of Ishmael who was put outside the camp with her son…she found that God was with her and God blessed Ishmael. See Genesis 21: 8-21
Yancey is not a Preacher or a Rabbi, but he knows the O.T., N.T. And all aspects of the Book of Life.
I find myself unable to delete the email that delivered this story into my inbox. I want to save it - honor it, somehow - in the memory of someone I never met but who's story now lives in my heart alongside so many others where life and loss intertwine in a bittersweet song. This Book of Love is a treasure, and I am wishing you and Athena the best birthing day and a life that represents the very best of both you and Jake 💛.
Bess, I experience your writing as a meditation on love. I’m a pmg and came to your work through one of your posts there. Since that time, one of my favorite pastimes is reading your writings and imagining that I could one day experience a love and connection like the one you shared with Jake. I’m so glad you’re sharing this with the world. It’s beautiful. I hope things are going well with Athena.
Good work Doc. If you’re as good with the sick as you are with your audience for words you’ll single-handedly affect the state of medical practice. My dad was an MD and I was a fifth grader when my mom died of cancer over 50 years ago. She took her leave with grace, a fact I am finally able to appreciate. It sounds like your husband did the same. That’s not what we can possibly consider a gift in the moment. But it is. She’s still here, in some measure. And so is he. That’s not going to change. Vaya con dios sister.
The world needs your writing. Please keep it up. And congratulations on baby Athena!
just a week or two ago I came here looking for an update from you. there wasn't one yet, but i'd been thinking about you, wondering if baby's here yet, hoping you're both alright. what a gift it is to read this update. I hope you know how much you're cared for, even just by us readers <3
Thank you, Erin ❤️ I’m looking forward to reading your stack!
This was beautiful Bess - thank you for sharing so much of yours and Jake’s journey. Athena will I’m sure cherish the books he’s left her - as well as the essays the two of you wrote.
I lost my Mom to pancreatic cancer when I was 19… and everything you’re saying resonates strongly with me. The suddenness of it even though we knew it was coming … the finality of removing her name from important documents and records. All the little reminders that she was no longer with us - as if we could forget.
She also loved books - and inspired me to be a writer. Months after she passed the local library called asking for her - one of the few places I had forgotten to notify of her passing. I remember breaking down in tears as I told the nice woman on the phone to cancel her membership.
Hit the post button by accident - it’s clearly too early in the morning!
I was going to say that my grief caught me by surprise. Not because I didn’t miss her - but that particular moment caused a ground swell of emotion. I think part of it was knowing I would never read with her again, never have her share a book with me.
This is a long winded way of saying I think Athena is very lucky to be able to share in her father’s love of books and writing in the gifts he’s left behind. They’re a unique window into someone’s soul - and I think it’s wonderful you both have them to hold on to.
Poetic, thoughtful and incredibly beautiful
Thank you for sharing this with us, Bess. I dare not spoil the magic of your words with anything except to offer warm hugs and love to you and Athena. xo
What a beautiful, tender piece. Sending love to you and Athena as she makes her way into your arms ❤️
Beautiful, Bess💗 Jake will always be with you and Athena.
This is so so beautiful. Sending so much love and prayers. ❤️😭
I'll be holding you in my thoughts. Hoping for a wonderful birth for you and Athena.
Thank you so much, Zawn ❤️
This was otherworldly. The love.
Thank you for sharing this, Bess. Beautiful! I am thinking about you and Athena.
Thank you for your recent post. You have shared with us readers the answer to the question, “How are you holding up?”
My son continues to grieve the loss of his uncle, my brother, 25 years after his death. Last year, I sent him two books, written by Philip Yancey who is a Journalist who writes on the Faith traditions of Jews and Christians.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=b_0GQy2d1oM
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000SEONA6?ref=KC_GS_GB_US&dplnkId=dacd7c6f-7e30-46c1-be39-08d56e8446e6&nodl=1
God has sent a Comforter to everyone who grieves and holds open questions. Like Hagar, the mother of Ishmael who was put outside the camp with her son…she found that God was with her and God blessed Ishmael. See Genesis 21: 8-21
Yancey is not a Preacher or a Rabbi, but he knows the O.T., N.T. And all aspects of the Book of Life.
May God continue to bless you and your new baby.
I find myself unable to delete the email that delivered this story into my inbox. I want to save it - honor it, somehow - in the memory of someone I never met but who's story now lives in my heart alongside so many others where life and loss intertwine in a bittersweet song. This Book of Love is a treasure, and I am wishing you and Athena the best birthing day and a life that represents the very best of both you and Jake 💛.
I can only read a little at a time, but I will return. I lost my previous husband to cancer. I was not pregnant. There really is no comparison.